you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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