We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
