you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
