What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
