Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
