There was a lot of him and a little penis
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
