I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
