I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
