2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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