just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Sober January is a disaster.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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