you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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