I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
