Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
