return my video game
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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