I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
