Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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