party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
