Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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