sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
