this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
