She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
