Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
