a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
