Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
