I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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