shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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