Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize