Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
