im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
