so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
