I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
