I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
