Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
