You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
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She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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