I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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