we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I am full of burrito and curiosity
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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