I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
