At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
