I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
