well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
