I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
