Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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