"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
