I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
