I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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