see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
