If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
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Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
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I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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