About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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