Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
