He is an equal opportunity slut.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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