She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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