His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
