I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Your cock deserves a montage
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Pooping to opera.
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