Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
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It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
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I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...