my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
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As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
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Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?