Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
When / where did the additional couches appear?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever