i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"