I feel like abortions should bother me more
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems