Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I would ride that face into the sunset
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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