PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.