i think my tv is drunk
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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