come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Randomize
