I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
