I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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