yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
