Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
