would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
