Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I cockslap morals
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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