So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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