I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
